I’ve spent a lot of time over the years as an advocate listening to parents talk about their children’s struggles. After listening awhile I might share my lived experience as a parent. Many times after sharing some problem solving ideas or resource referrals, they have asked me to write a book about what I’ve learned in finding resources and supports for my own children.
Central to call asking me to write a book, is my own conviction we need to have more conversations about how we can better fix what is working, and no longer put children low on our priorities. My book concludes with a conversation about the positive outcomes possible when one has a learning mindset. I’ve found that when I listen and share ideas with others, those ideas get better and unexpected opportunities come my way. In the spirit of cultivating a learning mindset, I hope reading the book inspired conversations and every reader learns something, including you.
Book Club Discussion Questions
I hope you’ll find these as useful starting prompts for conversations within your home and communities.
For Parents
What moments in the book felt most familiar or validating to you as a parent? How did they reflect your own experiences navigating school, behavioral health care, or social welfare systems?
The author describes a system that “waits until help can no longer be denied.” What examples from the book (or your own life) illustrate this dynamic? How does this delay impact children and families?
Throughout the memoir, we see how stigma, misunderstanding, and rigid definitions create barriers to care. How do labels–such as diagnoses, educational terms, or even legal designations–shape the way you’ve treated your children?
Has your family experienced any unintended consequences of laws and policies meant to protect children’s rights or autonomy? How can we balance youth empowerment with parent involvement, especially during times of crisis?
What forms of advocacy resonated with you most: personal storytelling, policy change, community organizing? What steps could you see yourself taking, big or small?
How do we sustain hope and courage as caregivers, especially when the system makes us feel powerless?
For Providers and Policy Makers
What assumptions underlie the current behavioral health system’s approach to children and families? How might these assumptions contribute to families being excluded or misunderstood, particularly those navigating developmental trauma, FASD, or complex behavioral needs?
The book raises concerns about fragmented systems, diagnostic gatekeeping, and eligibility thresholds. In your role, how are you contributing to or helping dismantle these silos? Where do you see opportunities to advocate for change?
Developmental readiness and relational context are often overlooked in both clinical and policy settings. How might your practice, organization, or legislation evolve to reflect a more developmentally aligned and family-centered approach?
Confidentiality laws and consent rules were originally designed to protect youth autonomy, yet the author describes their unintended consequences. What reforms or clarifications might better balance youth rights with the need for parental involvement and support during times of crisis?
The book shows how stigma and cultural bias shape who is believed, who is blamed, and who gets access to care. How are your practices or policies addressing this? Where might implicit bias still be showing up?
Families are often assumed to be barriers rather than partners in care. What changes could you make, structurally or culturally, to involve families as a source of strength and knowledge?
I’d love to hear from you
If you have a conversation you’d like to keep moving forward, please reach out via my email which is at the bottom of this page. I remain open to new perspectives, experiences, and ideas.