Parenting children and youth can be stressful. It’s good to plan ahead of time of how to support yourself and keep everyone safe when you feel like you might lose your cool.
Remember: When your child is dysregulated, your own emotional regulation matters most.
1. How will I Recognize that a Crisis is Building?
I notice ___________________________ (ex. my voice getting louder or tighter).
My body feels ________________________ (tense, shaky, numb, and hot, etc.).
My thoughts become _____________________ (racing, blaming, overwhelmed).
My child begins ____________________ (withdrawing, escalating, losing words).
2. What Can Help Me Stay Calm In-the-Moment Support?
- A phrase I can repeat to myself: “This is hard, not bad. I am safe. My child is struggling, not bad.”
- A physical strategy: (deep breaths, cold water, stepping outside, grounding touch).
- A boundary I can set: “I need 2 minutes to calm down before we keep going.”
3. What I will do if I feel I’m losing control?
- Step away safely (if child is safe).
- Use a pre-agreed “safe word.”
- Text/call my designated support person.
- Use a “reset space” for both of us.
4. What Support Can I Plan to Ask For in the Moment?
- Who can I call or text in the moment for support?
- What kind of support might I ask for? (ex. Help with logistics so I can focus on regulation, someone to witness what’s happening, someone who knows how to help me calm down)
5. Planning ahead for Recovery: Reflect, Repair and Recovery
- What helps me emotionally recover after a crisis?
- Who can help me anticipate crisis and proactively plan for it?
- Who I will talk to afterwards to debrief what happened?
- What is one restorative activity I can plan for?
When I feel ready, I will reflect on:
- What triggered the crisis?
- Naming my feelings.
- What did I do that helped or didn’t help?
- What can I try differently next time?
6. When I am ready, I will remember to take repair steps with my child:
- I will apologize to my child if I lost self-control.
- I will affirm love and safety: “Even when things get big, I love you and we’ll figure it out.”
- I will model self-love to my child by letting go of guilt and reminding myself: I did the best I could with what I had in that moment.